With Lord Stanley’s Cup finally hoisted, men can finally shave their weak attempts at beards and retire winter jerseys that are ridiculously uncomfortable in June. Chicagoans of all races honk their horns and drink their swill when appropriated minorities/war of 1812 veterans champion over cities where once men in wigs declared their freedom from the tyranny of colonialism and today it’s belligerent, yet free, citizens throw batteries at its sports stars.
The last time Chicago was this excited was when an alleged black muslim socialist was elected president of the United States! And even then some people here in town were still party poopers, cause they voted for the Strokie McRaciest and Barbarella’s understudy. I was there for both, and am equally confused and unimpressed by this cities ability to crusade in the most lackluster of ways. Maybe hockey is important to some of these hooligans, but my bet is most are just bored winos who simple enjoy shouting.
Oh sport, you are like drunk sex with a stranger; when I wake up, after a night of wild excitement, I just don’t give a shit about you anymore.
Go Hawks. Now go to bed.
